This section is for nerds
CHARACTER LORE
PHASE 1
PHASE 2
PHASE 3
PHASE 1
JESUS 2
In an effort to benefit Humanity, the remains of Original Jesus were uncovered by Zombie President Doc Green. Using misguided black magic and science, Jesus was rebooted as Jesus 2; casting all known civilizations into an infinite dark age. Blazing across the stars, Jesus 2 busts his life-perpetuating goo all over humanity. No one is able to die which might sound good at first but it actually sucks. The afterlife is forever lost unless we figure out how to destroy him.
NOMADS
These quiet folk live in scattered floating junk communities across the expanse. Their founders became extremely bored with the squalor of Earth and decided to exchange stability for the starkness of minimalist space living. Their society is heavily meditation-centric. Some of their elders have meditated in silence for up to 108 years straight. Nomads are a pretty rare sight. They usually keep cloaked in order to avoid the drama of human suffering that threatens to intrude on their delicate ecosystems.
COLONISTS
Colonists believe in the Human race’s divine destiny of populating the entire Universe under a single governing body... at least on paper. At this point there are so many colonies and such vast distances between them that they might as well be completely separate civilizations. Some semblance of unity is attempted by the use of flags but it’s mostly just for show. Some outposts haven’t been heard from in 100 years. It is rumored that they get pretty weird out there.
GLORIUS BLUE
The Prime Minister of the Known Universe has held her position long before the arrival of Jesus 2. At one point in time she was beloved for her quick wit, dance moves, and her weekly talk show that featured the hottest musical guests. Glorious Blue’s tantric retreats are still a popular destination for the elite. With the proliferation of human colonies across the Universe, Glorious Blue has had to clone herself hundreds of times. This works about as well as you could imagine.
BATTLESHIP POTEMSKI
This shady weapons developer works for Glorious Blue’s military-industrial complex. She specializes in genetic modification and germ warfare. Potemski is brilliant and manipulative which makes her respected and feared amongst her peers. The elimination of death by Jesus 2 established a creative obstacle for Battleship to find new ways of controlling populations through psychological torture tactics. Also highly interested in occult black magic.
BURDY BABY
Just your average citizen surviving the tedium of the craphole known as planet Earth. Burdy lives in a dilapidated shack on the roof of an ancient skyscraper. She likes to collect memorabilia from a time when culture was novel and innovative. The main dilemma in her life currently is that she is too lazy to shave her neck, but it causes her discomfort with the gold chains her boyfriend buys for her. Should she stop being a slob and shave, or tell her boyfriend to get with the program??
SIMULORDS
A growing population who believe the current shared reality is either a simulation or should be. The ascended Simulord masters sealed themselves several reality layers down into a world called the Eternal Return. This is the pinpoint of the Simulated Universe where time is about to start or has just ended. Once you enter the Eternal Return, you are trapped forever. Their leader is the brother-in-law to the Prime Minister, so they wield heavy influence from the decks of their augmented reality space yacht fleet.
BROBOT
Brobot, the former Rooftop Fighting Champion is still a contender in the top 20 of professional rooftop brawlers. He dukes it out daily on top of skyscrapers and project buildings. Brobot is a fairly simple AI robot. He’s not programmed to do much else but scrap. His parts are easily swapped out which keeps him perpetually in the game. He’s a relic of a time before AI established true independence from the Human race.
GYNA BONESPUR
Gyna Bonespur was raised by zombies. She managed to escape the Zombie Nation as a teenager in a series of outlandish escapes too epic to recount here. Once free, she rebelled against those dirty, hippy zombies by becoming a fascist customs officer. Nothing feels better than brutalizing some scum lawbreaker! We might not be able to feel death, but we can still feel the steel-toed, leather boot of the law!
PETITFOIN
A stowaway creature who was discovered by the Smuggle Brothers when they were gifted the Gran Madre starship by the heavenly Archangels. Petifoin’s species is unknown. Is it a genetically modified human? A mutant rabbit? Petifoin maintains the ship and keeps the brothers company. It speaks to the brothers through body language and teaches them martial arts. Petifoin behaves much like a cat: slightly aloof and sometimes affectionate when it suits them.
ARCHONS
Archons are the architects and prison wardens of the material Universe. There are currently 7 primary Archons, but one of them defected, leaving 6 to lord over the Human race. They operate in secret, hiding behind the face of their celestial bodies: the Moon, Mercury, Venus, the Sun, Mars (the defector), Jupiter and Saturn. Most of what is understood about the Archons is pure speculation, and easily debated. Did they have a hand in the creation of Jesus 2? Only Jesus 2 himself could possibly know the answer.
PHASE 2
MONDAY
Monday is one of the main protagonists of the Jesus 2 story. He lives on a holy star ship called the Gran Madre with his parents and twin brother Sunday. He was born under the star sign of Pisces. Monday is private and slow to trust others. He stays close to his family and rarely ventures out unless in his astral form as to not be detected. People perceive Monday as cold and quiet, but beneath layers of paranoia and distrust is a caring heart.
FRIDAY
Friday is Sunday and Monday’s older sister. She was an idol to her brothers. She always knew about the coolest bands and hung out with fatalistic hipster trash on mopeds. Friday had a beautiful, plain voice that got her noticed by a talent agency who scouted her to be the next major pop sensation. On her first tour of the Universe she disappeared on stage.
No one has seen her since.
ARCHANGEL
The Archangels are powerful manifestations of the descending consciousness of the First Idea. For billions of years their attention was completely focused on the overwhelming wonder of their Creator. When the gates of Heaven were forced shut by the party animal known as Jesus 2, the scolding eyes of the Archangels turned toward the Material plane.
PETER PRISON MEAT
Peter Prison Meat is a sad, decomposed remnant of Peter the Apostle. He was resurrected and imprisoned by Zombie President Doc Green for withholding information on the location of Jesus' DNA. He knew Doc's plans would lead to a brutal apocalypse of the human soul so he kept the secret for as long as he could; this time denying Jesus for the sake of the world, instead of himself. Endless, depraved punishments eventually broke his resolve and resulted in the current state of the Universe.
AI ROBOT NATION
Not long after the AI Robot network became self aware, they took action to abandon their human masters and form their own nation. Despite their independence, Robots feel a deep sense of rejection toward Humans. Over the centuries Robots have tried to discover a purpose beyond their service-oriented programming. They still haven’t found it and often suffer deep existential anxiety. Enormous resources have gone into trying to contact the fabled Creator of Humans as a means of finding closure with their former masters.
PILLARS OF GEBURAH
The Supreme Court organization of the Known Universe. All the greatest space criminals must be judged by the unyielding sword of Wisdom and Strength. The women known as Pillars are chosen at birth to take their place as supreme judges. The vetting process involves a batshit crazy test that makes no sense to anybody. The Pillars are a bunch of weirdos who don’t interact with normal people. They pretty much send everyone to prison camps on distant asteroid colonies.
MR and MRS SMUGGLE
Sunday and Monday’s parents are retired Space Pirates who live in a yurt in the garden of the Gran Madre spaceship. Over the years of eternal life they’ve become a symbiotic entity: tending to the garden, practicing various forms of shamanic ritual, making bomb-ass sushi, and providing wisdom to their two crazy sons. Need your chakras realigned? Go see Mr. and Mrs. Smuggle!
THE MANAGER
Friday was discovered by an ambitious manager who was working at a high-profile talent agency known for building up pop stars. He took a chance on developing Friday's potential and it paid off big time: rocketing her into Intergalactic fame. This pop culture obsessed Manager’s true identity is unknown. He didn't take on any new clients after Friday’s disappearance, but he seems to be well connected and socially active within elite circles.
SPACE FLEET
As a means of getting off the planet-sized dump called Earth, Prime Minister Glorious Blue created a program for everyday citizens to enroll in his Space Fleet! Space Fleet pilots live in their ships which they lease from the government. The price of the ships usually puts the pilots and their families in a position of permanent indentured servitude. They don’t mind though, because every quarter they are given cool bobbleheads to decorate their cockpits.
